For years, I have set goals. I read about the Harvard studies where people who wrote down their goals were more likely to achieve them.
For years, I identified and quantified those goals. I’d visualize the outcomes and daily did my affirmations, EFT, and NLP work. (I still see myself in a lovely red jacket speaking on stage at the Evolution of Psychotherapy conference but so far I haven’t received the invitation. But I know it is coming!)
Then I found myself discouraged when I didn’t meet some of those goals – feelings of failure would creep in.
I went back to reading about the Harvard studies where people who wrote down their goals achieved them. I was hoping for some motivation. But then I read that those stories were urban legends!
For a while I decided to put goal-setting aside and focus simply on serving and on my journey. I encouraged my coaching clients to do the same.
But what drives human nature? Maxwell Maltz said it decades ago. We humans are like self-correcting missiles. We are guided by our goals – conscious or otherwise. Our clients have goals, They want to feel better. They want to have better relationships. They want to enjoy life more, to feel more successful.
Recently I heard this: “Your clients have goals. Don’t ask them to sacrifice the goals for the journey.” Hmmm…
Think back to the time when you felt most purposeful in your life. I bet it was when you were on a mission – perhaps getting licensed – or parenthood – or serving your target market.
As usual, it probably isn’t as black and white as those images. In my last half-marathon, I had two goals: 1) To finish well 2) To enjoy the 13.1 mile run.
I accomplished both with my fastest time to date and I completely enjoyed the ocean vistas as I shared the experience with thousands of other runners.
What do you think?
Are you setting goals for the new year? Do you encourage your clients to do the same? Or do you think that setting goals creates too much pressure and takes away from ‘being in the moment?’ and enjoying the journey?
I’d love to engage in some dialogue about this here. Click on “comments” below.
As we end the year, I wish you and yours many, many blessings!
With a great deal of love and respect,
Casey
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
A great question, and reading people’s responses has been interesting.
I’ve come to the realization that I’m about to accomplish all of the career goals I made for myself a long time ago with the upcoming publication of a book in 2011. Now at 53, I need to decide if I want to set new career goals or simply ride the tide and see what I come across, or what comes to me. I feel that pursuing some personal goals at this point might serve me better than pursuing career goals, that in a few months when my book manuscript is completed I can take a bit of a break, then see what career goals are important to me for the last decade or two of work life. At this point what is sounding good has more to do with enjoyment than with numbers.
Goals are self-created challenges. No one makes them for us thus they can be highly-rewarding, contextual, subjective, obtainable, and challenging all at once.
I tend to think the effectiveness of goal setting depends on the type of goals we set and, more importantly, the attitude we take into the process. Often, I think people set goals that do not motivate them. Goals that are too broad, are based on other’s needs instead of our own, or goals that seem impossible or are not measurable will often have little positive effect. Setting a goal that motivates you can really help you focus and stay on track.
An anology I often use involves a road trip. If you get in your car with no destination in mind and just start driving then you may, if you are lucky, end up somewhere interesting. If you are unlucky, you may run out of gas in the middle of nowhere and find yourself in danger. If you choose a destination before you begin the trip, and you choose a place you would like to see, then you are much more likely to end up where you would like to be. In addition, you have a guide along the way which can make it easier to enjoy the journey and be more relaxed as you travel.
Where I think many people struggle with goals is that they go into them with the attitude that they are the all importnat end point and achieving them is all important. I think a healthier way to approach goal setting is that it is a beginning that you can use as a guide for now. It helps give you direction but it does not keep you from changing course along the way. I think it is important be OK with changing your goals along the way. If something comes up that makes you decide to change course in your road trip then you can go for it. You simply choose to change your goal. This flexible attitude on goals is important because it helps keep you present during the journey. You have a goal you are heading toward but if you discover new information along the way then you need to consider it and possibly adapt. If you decide to change goals, that does not mean you “failed” at your original goal. Your original goal was a success at helping you start your journey and make your initial decisions along the way. In fact, you may not even have discovered this new goal (or calling) if you had not set the initial goal. In this way, each goal is a success in its own way and goal setting plays a helpful role in our lives. It helps us take that first step that leads to taking each step one at a time.
I hope that isn’t too confusing and that this gives a perspective to ponder.
Hi, I have some thoughts about goals. One, part of me is working towards identifying what I want in life and that has always been difficult although I am a successfull therapist.
Since taking hypnosis training I realize goals have to include the left AND right brain to be successful. I also have learned that it all depends on the person. Some of my clients desire to be in the process and get satisfaction by exploring their minds and thoughts. Some are more cognitive and logical and define goals in terms of action. So for me, I want to understand how each person “frames” what they mean by “goals”.
If a goal starts to feel like an added pressure in your life, it’s helpful to take a look at whose goal it really is. Often we take on the values of our culture or community, but not deeply enough to be committed to follow through. We say, “I will be more organized this year,” when clearly if we really valued being highly organized, we already would be!
If we make sure our goals are really things we value and want and aren’t just doing what we think we ought to do, then goals can help us make progress toward becoming our best selves. If we set goals that aren’t based on our true values, we set ourselves up for disappointment and feelings of failure.
This is a complex issue. If I visualize achieving great goals, I am more alert to opportunities to advance those goals and my appetite is whetted to make sacrifices towards the goals. But at the same time, I more acutely feel the disappointment and sense of failure as the realization of those goals continue to remain out of sight. It is like the balance between contentment and ambition; too much of either one is a problem. I have not been able to figure it out, but I have spent too much of my life favoring contentment and not going after greater goals, so I am inclined to err in the other direction these days. Still, it perplexes me.
I’m on both sides of that fence, too. What I’m finding is that most goal setting activities are designed by and made for logical-sequential learners. Since I’m a visual-spatial-kinesthetic learner, I find that sequencing things comes with great difficulty unless I adjust that for my learning style. I make/create something that represents my vision that serves to pull me toward and reconnect me with that vision. Then I work backwards asking myself, what needs to happen before that, and before that, and before that. It may seem like a round-about mtehod of getting there for those logical-sequential folks, but their ways don’t work for me, and this does.
Hi Casey,
Once again, you’ve provided a thought-provoking post. I will echo John Wilson’s comments above: I strive for both. I’ve been very goal-directed in life and found that valuable, but at times it was too “linear” and I lost touch with the beauty of the moment and feeling the tone of my life. At other times I was too “loosey-goosey” about where I wanted to go and found myself frustrated with the lack of results. The answer for me has been balance, or more accurately, the dance between goal direction and enjoying the fruits of my earlier goals. I love the wisdom inherent in paradoxes and both/and situations, and this is one I try to live in often.
Wish I’d run into you at the Evolution conference. What an event!
Thanks for all you give to the world,
Art Maines, LCSW
Get Help if Your Parent Has Been Ripped Off in a Fraud or Scam.
Read my blog at http://www.elderlyfraudrecoveryhelp.posterous.com
Your quote: Recently I heard this: “Your clients have goals. Don’t ask them to sacrifice the goals for the journey.” Hmmm…
As a disabled therapist for over three years, my goal is to be in my chair and with my patients, and be in as little pain as possible. Goals for disabled people are different than those for able bodied ones.
However, with my patients, what I’ve noticed after doing psychotherapy for almost thirty years in at least ten different modalities, most of the time my patients initial goals were in the service of defense…to keep away from what is painful. I often notice that when I begin by helping patients set external goals, they leave therapy prematurely or with disappointment, because their real (and often unknown) goals are to be able to be real with someone, sometimes for the first time in their lives, and to come to know themselves through that process (the journey/relationship). Now, my initial goal is to help them be here, in the room, with me. To get to know and understand more about them and to help them do that, as well. Once that alliance is made and they are open to experiencing themselves in a real way with me, their goals shift from being what they think they should be (how many people enter therapy) to what they really want and need. When they can do that (feel, think and know), they can often stick with and meet their goals. I do not think that either the journey or the goals need to be sacrificed…but if we start with trying to meet goals before we know (or they know) who we’re working with, we’re off on a wild goose chase. Even with those patients who think they know what they’re here for, there’s almost always an underlying goal to be the person they really are and have never gotten to know or taken the risk to be. I am not a coach, although I can, if necessary, act as one. I am, at some point in therapy, the person who holds the other end of the thread in the dark. I don’t presume to know or feel I have to know, in order to do good therapy.
First great question.
Second I wish the Evolution of Psychotherapy conference would have an online version every 2 1/2 -3 years–and their tier two people would be invited to speak! It also might help them to find the passionate hidden gems that are out there-that should be added to their tier one line up.
As for setting goals–I have set goals for about 40+ years and have accomplished many of them but after this past summer I am still tired from running the race up to graduation (I got my MA MFT degree and addictions certificate) and now I have three internship sites – however I am not sure if they are where I ought to be beginning in 2009.
You know the visual, its like climbing up a ladder- one rung at a time and as you begin to get to the top you realize you put it up against the wrong “building.” I need a mentor.
That said my goals for 2009 to date are: attempt a half-marathon (do you have a training partner?), hike half dome, God-willing discover where my ‘ladder,’ ought to be placed for greatest impact and personal growth, F/U with Judith Beck and meet Ellyn Bader and/or Peter Pearson.
And of course release 10lbs …(Not lose. If I lose 10lbs I might find them again!)
Blessings,
Karen T.
I believe in goal setting as I learned this strategy with my second masters degree in Non-Profit Management. I do set goals with my private practice as I evaluate what worked and did not work. I also do goal setting in planning my television shows for the year.
Goals do need be re-evaluated to see what works and does not work. If the goals are not working out, then modifying them is a great thing to do as well.
Robbin Miller, LMHC
Upcoming teleconference on 1/15/10 on How to Produce your Own Show on Cable Access TV.
I’m not setting goals for the New Year. I’ve never really been one for New Year’s Resolutions. Not to say I haven’t set many goals for myself, but I don’t rely on a specific date to do so.
With that said, I’ve been a little soft on goal setting the past few years. For many years, I set about accomplishing goals-work related, relationship related, physical, educational, etc. I accomplished most of those goals. Then I backed off the goal setting, figuring I’ve already accomplished a lot more than I ever thought I would.
However, I’m feeling like I’ve lost a bit of the edge I used to have, like I’ve gotten a little soft (physically and mentally). I believe that edge was, at least partially, a result of striving towards accomplishing the goals I had set out for myself.
I’ve grown a little too comfortable with my situation. I think it’s time to think about adding a few specific goals.
What interesting timing! I just wrote an article on goals this morning. Rather than post the whole thing, I’ll include this link if anyone is interested in reading the whole thing. It should be up on Self Growth fairly soon, I think: http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/s_james_webb
In essence, I argue that what may be even more important than goals for our spiritual growth is to remain open to the flow of Spirit in our lives, even when it means our goals must be changed or abandoned. Too often we become slaves to our goals, and we close ourselves off from the profound lessons that life can give us through unexpected and sometimes unwanted circumstances.
Always enjoy your thoughts, Casey!
Spyder
http://www.theweboflight.com
I have also wavered back & forth on goal setting.
It’s one of the reasons Treatment Planning is a real pain for me because short term and long term goals have to be set. Ugh!
Right now, micro movement goals like today I will just do this small hting or that small thing work so much better for me. I am learning to be an ant and not a grasshopper, a tortoise rather than the hare. Slow and steady goal setting wins the race for me right now.
Hi,
This couldn\’t have come up at a better time. I am the QUEEN of setting goals and making plans but the problem is I waste too much of the present moment trying to get anywhere but where I am at. I have made some huge accomplishments in my life when I was on a mission and knew I had no other choice but to make certain things happen. I didn\’t make failing an option because something deep inside me needed this to happen. The goals I find that don\’t stick are the more superficial goals or based on what others want from me or what I \”should\” be doing. And when I was failing I became hard on myself and thought about how I could accomplish these goals in a different manner – and it took way too much of my time. So, now I think goals are important but also to identify why you have this goal. I try not to waste too much of my present time worrying about goals. Once I identify them I try to take the present moment and use it as an opportunity to accomplish them. Opportunities are all around us but sometimes we are everywhere but here and cannot see them.
Thank you!
Cynthia Della Ripa
I love this question! I think for me, it is important to have some general goals for myself, but I can’t let myself become obsessed with attaining something specific. When I do, I lose sight of the journey as I focus more and more on the destination.
I have taken an approach of loving detachment from my goals — I can suggest where I might find myself, but I also realize that there may be other things in store for me and I need to be open to those opportunities.
My greatest general goal is to continue to live my life in congruence with my beliefs — not specific in terms of dollar figures or where I live, but very specific in terms of who I am and how I am in the world. And if I’m doing this, then the other things will fall into place, one way or another.
Dear Casey:
Here is one way I set goals for myself. It’s in the form of a New Year’s resolution. One year it was: “Don’t make mountains out of mole hills.” I let that thought work its way through me, no pressure, just keeping it there, just reminding myself gently, encouraging myself, laughing at myself for the ways I can make mountains out of mole hills. This works best because it takes time and repetition to change an automatic habit (that is many years old!) I have appreciated watching the change come about.
All the best in the New Year.
Christine M., LMFT
Ah yes, having goals without damaging the moment. Indeed I have personal goals and professional goals. And in the moment, working on clearing out the old to bring in a new time in my life, one with realized goals as I swim forward towards new ones professionally.
Swimming has allowed me to have the impetus in my life to know I can do it!! Just as you have realized running goals Casey, I have swimming goals and this coming summer will swim more open water events to widen those horizons.
Swimming in open water is a wonderful experience, seeing the coastline and filling your lungs with clean air as you get an exhilarating work out with so many others having their own individual similar experience.
Once I was in a race and was pacing with two other swimmers at different times during the race. We would breathe at the same time, facing one another which went on for about half a mile (hard not to laugh). At the end we all came in around the same time and fell into one another with a hug of joy in our shared human experience and accomplishment.
Each step in the MFT experience takes patience and intensity of commitment. I’m glad to have swimming to help get through the movement towards goals in my professional life.
Long ago I did write down goals, now I’m fulfilling them…thank goodness.
Best wishes for the Holidays.
Jane
MFTT
I always resisted goals — as I heard others’ explain them, they seemed unrealistically big, or too far in the future. I couldn’t get a clear enough picture of mine, in enough specific, concrete detail for them to motivate working towards them.
Then I figured out that if I moved the goalposts closer to me, and bit off small chunks at a time, it was much more believable and manageable.
Shifting perspective was the magic key for me.
Deah Curry
http://www.DeahCurry.net
http://www.TheNoHypeMentor.com
I’m so glad to hear you found your magic key. Thank you for sharing.
Casey,
There are “surface goals and deeper goals. Anyone working as a therapist knows the kind of power that unconscious “goals” or demands have on people’s behavior. Other people suffer agonies because they cannot articulate their goals and since they cannot make them conscious, they cannot take steps to achieve them.
So sometimes we have to find ways to work in concert with those deeper goals. And that is not always something you can “force”. Some of the most important goals have to be “emergent” … you just have to live along with some confidence in the process… but with the question “What should I be doing with my life?” conscious (but undefined) in your mind. Then the subterranean processes are permitted to do their work of raising your deeper needs and desires to the surface. When you recognize the truth of an emergent demand, there is no power on earth that can stop you.
You KNOW what to do. All impediments seem miraculously to fall out of your way… or at least just become humanly surmountable obstacles.
When you are so fortunate as to be able to live in accord with these deep needs and values, the question of “What should I be doing?” loses it’s anxiety producing power.. you don’t need to make resolutions or set arbitrary goals… and the work that you do to achieve or to manifest these desires in the world does not feel onerous… no matter how hard the work is.
I went back to university at mid-life for 5 years in order to become a therapist. It was hard work for a mind that was twenty years out of that academic skill set and phase of life.. but it was a labor filled with joy. I swear I even enjoyed my statistics course even though it gave me panic attacks! Even the panic attacks were acceptable because they had meaning.
Feeling that you are living a life that has meaning is so very important.. but the meaning has to be personal… not what others wish for you or what society approves of. When we set those sorts of goal for ourselves, it just makes things worse.
On a completely different note, thank-you for your gift of the e-book. I have taken to heart your idea that I should direct myself towards my “ideal client” As soon as I read that in one of your e-mails, I KNEW it to be the right answer for me. I read more about it in your e-book and recognized that, yes, I will do my BEST work with a certain kind of client. It is the way to be the most effective therapist that I can be… and they were kind of finding me anyway… so I just need to nudge the process along with some assurance that it is correct for both me and them.
Thank-you for your generous gesture…
and Happy Holidays to you and yours
Best regards,
Susan Meindl
If you want to read what sorts of things I have been writing about, a list of my articles and links can be found at:
http://ezinearticles.com/?expert_bio=Susan_Meindl
Hi Casey,
I am, as you may remember, on my pre-license march 
and so I have that as my clear goal. Along my way, I am also committed to networking with people like you and the wonderful other people who attend your online events, people at confs like the Evol of Psych conf, and, mostly, people right here in my county – mental health professionals, medical health professionals, other kinds of counselors, others who serve older adults (I am on our county’s Commission on Aging) and potential clients.
You crack me up. Goals, Schmoals!
I don’t know how things will come together exactly but I have faith that they will! I love that your picture yourself in your red jacket on the stage at the Evol of Psych conf. My colleague and I were picturing ourselves on a panel there. .
Happy holidays!
Nancy
I do remember Nancy. Good for you and good luck with your pre-license “March” (that makes me smile!) I look forward to someday being on that panel with you. Enjoy the holidays and thank your for your post!
I agree with you, Casey. Setting goals do help! They provide feedback about our journey. They can activate us to take action where we would otherwise languish in our experience. Columbus missed the mark, but in his efforts changed the world!
The feelings of failure and attachment to getting our way provide material to become more aware of our internal scripts. Why give up goals because our attachment to reaching them can cause discomfort?
Sometimes life is uncomfortable. That’s just part of the deal.
It is just part of the deal Cheri. Thank you for writing it so eloquently.
Hi Casey,
I appreciate your question about goals and I even wrote about it on my own blog (www.counselingforcontentment.com/blog). I do believe that having goals does help to motivate people. I have found that, although I don’t even write them down, when I have them in my mind, I tend to think about what I can do to reach those goals. I’m also surprised when I look back on the year that I have often accomplished quite a lot – even if it wasn’t towards a specific goal. So, I think encouraging ourselves and our clients to have goals does motivate, facilitate and move us forward in a direction we want! Happy New Year and Decade!
Marie Caterini Choppin, MSW, LCSW-C
Happy New Year to you Marie. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Yes, I am setting goals. Here’s what I’m doing: this week, I have taken the time off of seeing clients and made zero appointments for myself to do anything at all except the stuff that makes me feel good, like my Pilates class tonight with my husband. I had a list of things to accomplish going into the week, and it is right beside me as I type this note. By the end of this week, I will have accomplished many of the things that have been driving me nuts, like draperies that need to be repaired and hemmed, details on a community-based project that comes to fruition in early March, and the first stages of writing and creating for a presentation I will be doing in later March. At the end of this week, I will have a new list: my concrete goals for the new year, which I have already drafted in an email to my life coach. To answer your question about mindfulness and being in the moment, I consider these kinds of proactive behaviors to be ways of setting myself up for success so that I am then able to practice being in the moment later, without a pile-up of “shoulds” cluttering up available mental space. It’s been my experience that it is the discipline of making and keeping personal promises which allows for truly enjoying the journey.
Thank you for your post Annie. I love what you have to say. Good luck to you with your goals! Let me know through the year how they are going. Happy Holidays!
That’s an interesting question. In my own life I have found that writing concrete goals down often seems to be a jinx. This is especially true in my practice. I used to write down a financial goal, looking at how many more bookings I needed to reach that goal. Almost without fail, I would experience high cancellation rates and difficulty bringing in new clients. I finally figured that was some sort of cosmic message. Conversely, when I imagine a goal and keep it clear in my mind, then look for ways to meet that goal by serving my community’s needs, the results tend to show up rapidly and richly.
What serendipity! Fascinating that you’d be talking about goal setting today. I just this morning wrote an article titled “Life Without Goals.” The gist of it is that we need to be careful not to let goals block us from what life has for us — some of the greatest advances in our lives are made when our goals are derailed, shattered, or otherwise negated. I don’t want to post a whole article here, but if you’re curious, the entire article should be up shortly at: http://www.selfgrowth.com/experts/s_james_webb
Hey Casey
What an appropriate post for me, yesterday I was feeling pretty lost until I realised I wasn’t in touch with where i want to go, I wasn’t in touch with my goals!
But at the same time I know that I can put myself under too much pressure when i am completely absorbed in my goals, i also need to be enjoying the journey!
I think that the combination of striving forward and enjoying the journey with the people around me is what brings me the most satisfaction, but i need to continually calibrate how much time and attention i give both these pursuits.
Thanks for a lovely reminder and opportunity to think about what gives me the biggest sense of fulfillment!
Have a great holiday
John Wilson
http://www.wilsoncounselling.co.uk
http://www.onlinevents.co.uk
What a profound realization John. It’s wonderful when we can find a balance. Thank you for your post.
Hi Casey,
I always enjoy your emails! When it comes to goals, I like to take the middle road! Yes to knowing your wishes and goals, and yes to going lightly and being in the moment….Continued study, learning, collaboration and community…and enjoying the process.
Thank you for all you have done to help my practice along over the past few years!
Wishing you every blessing for a happy healthy prosperous new year!
Melissa Groman
Thanks for your post Melissa! Happy Holidays to you and yours!
The thought of setting goals wears me out. “Goals” seem “out there” somewhere and suggest there’s some exhaustion required as a laudable side effect of reaching them. All too much for me. I don’t even saddle my clients (who are already depressed) with something so dispiriting. Instead, I ask them (and myself) what “result” I want. For me, what I do becomes closer, doable, and as small as I need it to be. It’s that first step that’s hardest; that’s often the case with my clients. And when you’re already overwhelmed with change (business expansion, dropping out of insurance panels, divorcing, etc.) a goal feels like one more thing to fail at. “Even a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” A result can be taking one step.